i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i am craving dick and cupcakes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
