omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You made out with two different species that night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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