I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
