I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
