Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
