I just cut my nipple shaving
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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