There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
