I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
