I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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