If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
