I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
