I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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