I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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