mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
