Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
