hotel room ftw
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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