Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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