I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this just has baby written all over it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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