he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
