It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
