Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
