I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
