glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
