then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
