i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
