i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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