Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
did i just pee glitter
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
