this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
