so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
