Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
