do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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