I want to stick my p in your. b.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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