Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
