I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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