Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
