Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
