You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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