That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
