Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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