No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
