Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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