watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
