K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
