I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
