We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
