just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
