soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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