i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
