I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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