my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
