xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
