im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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