last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't deserve a penis
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
