dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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