at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just puked most of my soul out..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
