yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
