Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
