did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
