btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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