You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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