her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
