He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
