I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
