Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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