People with herpes should wear stickers.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
