im holly from the hills drunk
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
