He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
