I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
