I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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