saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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