I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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