He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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