ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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