I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I supernannyed him into submission
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
